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14 Compelling Reasons to Use a
Relationship Coach
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Marriage & Relationship
Advice
How
to get out of relationship
ruts
New relationships
New
relationships are exciting.
The thrill of falling in
love and discovering new
things about each other is
simply a lot of fun.
After the honeymoon stage of
a relationship has passed,
we move into the "making it
work" stage of the
relationship. Sometimes the
making it work stage is just
not as much fun as the
honeymoon stage. This is
where the work part of
making it work comes in.
One of the dangers of the
making it work stage is to
fall into what I call
relationship ruts. A
relationship rut is when as
a couple you begin to feel
as if you are stuck, sort of
going through the motions
and not getting anywhere.
This is the point that some
relationships die, because
the only difference between
a rut and a grave are the
dimensions.
Let's take a look at some of
the signs of relationship
ruts and what not to do, and
then what to do to get out
of the rut and keep the
spark alive.
Signs
of Relationship Ruts
One sure sign and conclusive
evidence of a relationship
rut is if the following
conversation sounds familiar
-
"What do want to do
tonight?"
"I don't know, whatever you
want to do."
"I don't know what I want to
do, whatever you want to do
is fine."
"Where do you want to eat?"
"I don't know, where do you
want to eat?"
ETC - ETC - ETC - yuck!
Other signs of relationship
ruts include;
- Doing the same thing over
over again and it not being
enjoyable
- Having the same
conversation over and over
again
- Having that strange sense
of "relationship deja vu" -
we've been here before.
- Arguing and bickering just
for something to do
What
Not To Do
We all try to solve the
problem of relationship ruts
in our own way. Here are
some solutions that I've
seen couples try that are
worth avoiding;
- Keep doing the same things
over and over and expect
different results
- Blame your partner or
accuse them of being boring
- Convince yourself that
life would be much more fun
with someone else
- Make major changes just
for the sake of change. For
example, move (just a
geographical cure) or have a
child.
What
To Do
Having said all that, here
are a few suggestions for
breaking out of relationship
ruts;
- Begin by remembering what
is was that first attracted
you to this person in the
first place. You may have
forgotten some things and
may be surprised by what you
remember
- Do something "safely out
of character." In the song
"Dirt Gets Under The
Fingernails" by Harry
Chapin, the prim, proper and
neat wife goes out and buys
art supplies and makes a
mess while the always dirty
mechanic husband gets a
shave, hair cut, manicure
and new clothes. Surprise
each other.
- Do some of the things you
may have enjoyed as a child:
buy a coloring book, some
play dough, put on some
roller skates, etc.
- Use your creativity! One
way to do this would be to
brainstorm all the crazy,
absurd, and ridiculous ideas
you can think of, that you
would never do. Then go back
over your list and see if
there are the seeds for some
useful creative solutions.
- Make a list of all the
things you like to do for
fun. Then pick one you that
you may not have in a very
long time.
Making love stay can be one
of the more difficult tasks
in relationships. Avoiding
and/or getting out of
relationships ruts can go a
long way to keeping the
spark alive.
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